Dating to Marry: A Christian Perspective
Why “Dating to Marry” Matters
A few weeks ago, I came across a TikTok clip of a man asking a young woman if she was single. She said yes—because she wanted to be. Confused, he asked why. Her answer? She only dated to marry. She explained she would only pursue a relationship if she saw a real future with that person. Talk about relationship goals!
This mindset is growing among Christians today. Phrases like faith-based dating, intentional dating, gaining clarity, and dating to marry are becoming more popular. We love where this is leading. For many, the cultural dating game is losing its appeal, and this generation seems ready to get serious from the start.
The Problem with Modern Dating
We recently finished a Redeeming the Romantic series on dating, exploring its history and how it plays out today. Our mission is to bring the theology of romance to the conversation—through our show and our books.
In Gary’s book, God of the Romantic, he breaks dating goals into four motives:
Relational dating – friendship is the motive
Romantic dating – attraction is the motive
Raging dating – hormones are the driver
Revelatory dating – God reveals the relationship
And that last one—revelatory dating—is our favorite.
What Is Revelatory Dating?
Revelatory dating is when God reveals that a friendship is meant to be more. You’re not out searching for “the one.” Instead, you’re growing in a genuine friendship, and God uncovers the truth—you’ve found the one He designed for you.
Many people quote Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing…” to encourage others to get out there and search for a spouse. But the word find in the original language means to discover, not to seek. The same word is used in Genesis when describing someone who has “found grace” from God. Grace is a gift—and so is a spouse when the discovery is left to Him.
Why It’s Different from “Dating to Marry”
Revelatory dating and dating to marry share one key truth: marriage begins with the understanding that God has revealed your future together. But revelatory dating removes the pressure. There are no ulterior motives, no anxieties about meeting some ideal, no games. Just a pure friendship that naturally becomes more when God reveals His plan.
Gary and I lived this out. We were friends for four years. Then, in a single day, we became engaged because God made it clear. I had sensed what God was doing for some time but waited for Him to reveal it to Gary. It wasn’t easy, but it was spectacular.
Trusting the Author of Your Story
God, the Creator of the universe, knit you together, wrote down every day of your life before one of them came to be, and knows your end from your beginning. No one else understands you—or who best fits you—better than the One who designed you. That’s why He is worthy of your trust to align your love story.
The Only Way Forward
There are countless Christian approaches to dating, but in the end, what matters most is His revelation. Without God’s Word, there is no true faith. Without His purpose, intentions fall flat. Without discernment, there is no clarity. And without His revelation, there is no lasting marriage.
Keep Growing with Us
Want to dive deeper? Check out our YouTube channel, Redeeming the Romantic. We explore how faith, clarity, purpose, and revelation all shape the theology of romance—and how you can trust God with your love story.
